Celebrity Weight Loss Secrets

You can say a lot of things about celebrities. You can call them vapid, shallow, and a waste of oxygen, but if we didn't have them, who would our children look up to? Politicians? Authors? Scientists? Bah! What a ridiculous thought. Celebrities have carved out their place as the new gods of the modern age, and if there is one thing a celebrity knows how to do, it is lose weight.

Celebrities can be 100 pounds one day, 300 the next and back down to 120 for that role playing a frumpy older housewife, before dropping the excess 40 pounds to attain a modelesque 80. Normal mortals have no idea how to achieve this kind of yo yo weight success, partially because they are not motivated enough, and partially because they are not as good as celebrities.

Don't be offended by that last statement. I'm not a celebrity either. Like you, I am but a lowly consumer drone destined to purchase products they endorse and feel bad about myself for not looking like an angel / human hybrid.

Here's how the celebrities do it...

Plastic Surgery

Plastic surgery in the form of liposuction is generally considered a highly effective form of celebrity weight loss. Whilst it does carry with it some risk of death, it works pretty much straight away, unlike other forms of weight loss therapy which may require ongoing use of willpower and a change of lifestyle.

Gastric Band Surgery

Gastric band surgery is normally reserved for those who are dangerously obese, and involves the insertion of a band around the stomach, which effectively shrinks it. Wild ice cream and chocolate mousse binges become a thing of the past as the stomach is simply no longer able to hold the amount of food necessary for weight gain. Over a period of months, the recipient finds themselves losing weight due to this fact.

Drug Abuse

Drug abuse is perhaps one of the most effective weight loss methods in the world. Just look at Amy Winehouse's svelte figure. She barely has enough flesh to keep the skin from rubbing directly over her bones. At one time she was a relatively normal young woman, however copious drug abuse has seen her plummet to a coveted and delirious size 0.

Photoshop

When all else fails, there is Photoshop. With a consistent enough use of Photoshop, any celebrity can fool the general public into thinking that they are a perfectly formed angel. The truth of the matter is irrelevant, because most people don't really want to know what a celebrity actually looks like. After all, the only idol worth worshiping is a false one.